What’s life like on a submarine? Imagine a VW camper bus with the windows painted black and a diesel engine. You have to spend three months in the van with four other people that you may or may not like. There are five people and three beds. When it’s time to go to bed you just find a bed that isn’t occupied and crawl in. Two or three times a day you have to pretend that there is a fire and everyone has to get out of bed and pretend to put out the fire. Then every Saturday everyone gets up and cleans the inside of the van for six hours. You have to drive the VW bus around town while someone else looks out a peephole in the roof. You get to shower every day but it’s in a room just a little wider than your shoulders…and you only get about 3 gallons of water to wash and rinse. Don’t ask me how the van gets rid of the poop unless you really want to know. Do this several times three months at a time and then you’ll wonder why some submarine sailors go a little crazy. Now they get to share this life with members of the opposite sex and without smoking if you really want to.
Americans must go to war to defeat old enemies — not to create new ones.
That was the message delivered by Gen. David Petraeus at Brigham Young University on Thursday evening. The commander of U.S. Central Command, which oversees the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, delivered only a few minutes of prepared remarks, choosing instead to field a diverse and complicated array of questions from BYU students.
Top 10 reasons why BYU students make good soldiers
10 » They have already been on many a mission
9 » Army chow is no problem for folks accustomed to eating green Jell-O and shredded carrots.
8 » It’s no problem if they don’t know what rank someone is. They can just call that person “brother” or “sister.”
7 » They never go AWOL — the prefer to call it “less active.”
6 » They will seize any objective swiftly if you tell them refreshments will be served.
5 » They know how to make things happen. If you ever need a base built quickly, you need only to plant a staff and say, “This is the place.”
4 » They have innovative ideas for handling insurgents — like assigning them as home teachers.
3 » They always have a year’s supply of provisions.
2 » They are the world’s most reliable designated drivers.
1 » They understand how far Iraq has come over the past 7 years — and they believe that Iraq’s old spot in the “Axis of Evil” can now be filled by the University of Utah.
Gen. David Petraeus
Derider, Houston, Pasadena, Sasebo, San Pedro, Blythe, Nutley, New York City, Mystic, Portsmouth, Washinton, Los Angeles, Juniper Hills, San Francisco, Chicago, London, Paris, Hamburg, Munich, Innsbruck, Florence, Venice, Rome, Bishop, Sacramento, Seattle, Callville, St. Louis, Portland, Lake Providence, Dallas, Barstow, San Diego, Waukegan, Groton, Honolulu, Haiphong, San Luis Obispo, Monterey, Las Vegas, Pocatello, Billings, Fargo, South Bend, Charleston, Kittery, Killeen, Charleston, Ladson, Dunoon, North Atlantic, north of Polyarny, Atlanta, Kissimmee,Norfolk, Newport, Port Canaveral, Fort Lauderdale, Miami, Milwaukee, Newport News, Richmond, Wilmington, Elizabeth City, Jacksonville, Annapolis, Williamsburg, Boston, Salisbury, Roanoke, Placentia, Hemet, Sanger, Boulder, Santa Maria, Alamogordo, Lompoc, Denver, Casper, Colorado Springs, St. Petersburg, Santa Barbara, Ridgecrest, Fresno, Mesquite, Salt Lake City, Westwood, Mountain View, Nauvoo, San Antonio, Provo, Bossier City, Gallop, Barcelona, Valencia, Oslo, Kongsberg, Shreveport, Drammen, Stockholm, Helsinki, San Simeon, Cambria, Cherry Hill, squeaky train to Trondheim, Mosjøen, Narvik, Tromso, Alta, Kirkenes, Hurtigruten off coast of Norge, Nordkapp, Bergen, Sandefjord, Copenhagen, Kløftefoss, Sande, Williams, St. Petersburg, Hafnarfjörður, Reykjavik,Fayetteville, Columbus, Hollywood, Toms River, Rexburg, Jacksonville, Raleigh, Kitty Hawk, Layton, St. George, San Onofre, Layton, Ogden
I heard this a while back and still laugh about it:
Heaven is …
Where the police are British,
The cooks are Italian,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are French and
It’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is …
Where the police are German,
The cooks are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss and
It’s all organized by the Italians
The most informative picture I have ever taken.
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